A customer at Green's Fishmongers marvelled at the proprietor's quick wit and
intelligence.
"Tell me, Mr Green, what makes you so intelligent?"
"I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Green replies, lowering his voice so the
other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on
it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant."
"You sell them here?" the customer asks.
"Only £3 apiece," says Green.
The customer buys three. A week later, he's back complaining that the fish heads were
disgusting and he isn't any smarter.
"You didn't eat enough, " says Green. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads.
Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry.
"Hey, Mr Green," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for £3 each when I can buy the
whole fish for £2.50. You're ripping me off!"
"You see?" says Green. "You're getting smarter already!"

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Q. Why are a lot of famous artists Dutch?
A. Because they were born in Holland.

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Doctor Doctor I've swallowed my driving test paper.
Don't worry. You'll pass it eventually.

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Latest news reports advise that a cell of four terrorists has been operating in one of the
poorer areas of Liverpool.
Police advised earlier today that 3 of the 4 have been detained under the Prevention Of
Terrorism act.
They are Bin Sleepin, Bin Drinkin and Bin Fightin.
The Police say they can find no one fitting the description of the fourth cell member, Bin
Workin, anywhere in the neighborhood, but they are confident that anyone fitting his
description will be easy to spot.

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Q. Who was the last person to box Rocky Marciano?
A. His undertaker

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How can you tell when you have run out of invisible ink?

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A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle
showed him the usual things - chickens, cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it
was obvious that the nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was running out of things to
amuse him with.
Finally, the uncle decided to give them a real treat. "Why don't you grab a gun, take my
prized hunting dogs, and go have some fun shooting?"
This seemed to cheer the nephew up, and with enthusiasm, off he went, dogs in trail.
After a few hours, the nephew returned.
"How did you enjoy that?" asked the uncle.
"It was great!" exclaimed the nephew. "Got any more dogs?"

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Q. How do you make a fruit cordial?
A. Pat him on the behind.

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Knowing that his 17 year old son is due to take his driving test soon, a father offers to
accompany him on a drive out. The Son gratefully accepts and they set off on a pretty wild
and adventurous journey.
After an hour the son speeds into the drive of their house and slams on the brakes.
After a brief pause the Father says "Thank you."
"No problem, Dad" says the Son.
"I wasn't talking to you." replies the Father " I was talking to God."

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Q. Why do airports hang mistletoe at the side of the check-in desks?
A. So you can kiss your baggage goodbye.

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A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk
to you about it."
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me. What should I do?"
The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her. I'll see what I can find out and I'll
let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says. "I spoke to your wife...spoke to her on the
phone for three hours. You want my advice?"
The man said yes, and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison!"

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