Walter, an old Norfolk boy, wakes up to find his wife has died in her sleep. He dials 999.
"Where do you live?" asks the operator.
"At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." says Walter
The operator asks, "Can you spell that for me?"
There was a long pause and finally Walter says, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street
and you pick her up there?"

------------------------------------------------------------------

A stockbroker goes to prison after being convicted of fraud, and becomes very nervous
when he meets his psychotic looking cell mate.
"Don't worry, Mate." says the prisoner, "I'm in for white collar crime too."
"Really?" says the stockbroker, breathing a little easier. "What did you do?
"I murdered a priest.

                            ------------------------------------------------------------------

I went into a bakery and said "How much for those two pies?"
The girl said "£1.50.
I said "How much for one?"
She said "£1."
I said "In that case I'll have the other one."

------------------------------------------------------------------

A drunk wanders into a church and heads straight for the confessional box. The Priest
recognizes him as someone he has been trying to get to church for some time and is
delighted that he has turned up. The Priest goes into the other side of the
confessional. A few moments later the drunk says, "Hey, have you got any paper your
side?”

------------------------------------------------------------------

I cleaned out the goldfish yesterday.
They're useless at poker.

------------------------------------------------------------------

A little old lady, who lives on the second floor of a block of flats with no lift. breaks her leg.
The doctor puts a cast on it, and warns her not to climb any stairs.
Several months later, the doctor takes off the cast.
"Can I climb stairs now?" asked the little old lady.
"Yes," he replies.
"Thank God for that!" she says. "I'm sick and tired of shinnying up and down that damned
drainpipe!"

------------------------------------------------------------------

Drummer goes into a music shop. He's fed up of having the p taken out of him, he wants
to learn something else. He browses round and then goes to the counter
"I'd like the red saxophone and the white accordion, please"
The shopkeeper rolls his eyes at him
"You're a drummer aren't you? Buy a drum kit and bugger off"
Drummer says "Why? My money's just as good as anyone else's"
The shopkeeper says, "Maybe so, but the fire extinguisher's not for sale and I'll be blowed
if I'm taking the radiator off the wall"

------------------------------------------------------------------