A Jewish father was troubled by the way his son turned out, and went to see his Rabbi
about it.
"I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive bar mitzvah, cost me a fortune to
educate him. Then he tells me last week he has decided to be a Christian ! Rabbi, where
did I go wrong ?"
"Funny you should mention that..." said the Rabbi. "Like you, I too, brought my boy up in
the faith, put him through University, cost me a fortune, then one day he, too, tells me he
has decided to become a Christian."
"What did you do ?" asked the worried father.
"I turned to God for the answer." replied the Rabbi.
"And what did He say ?" pressed the father.
"God said, 'Funny you should mention that...' "

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If the Comedy Store did an evening of wheelchair bound comedians, would it still be stand
up?

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Doctor, Doctor, I don't feel well. I've swallowed some Christmas decorations.
Yes. Definitely a case of tinselitus!

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The Lord of the manor returned from his grouse hunt quite a bit earlier than expected. He
entered the master bedroom to change, and found her Ladyship making passionate love to
Sir Reginald Carpley. The irate Lord stood stiffly and loudly berated his wife for her
infidelity.
With thunder in his voice, he reminded her that he had taken her from a miserable
existence on a local run-down farm, given her a fine home, provided her with servants,
expensive clothes and jewels, and almost anything she desired.
By this time the woman was crying inconsolably, his Lordship then turned his wrath on his
supposed friend:
"And as for you Reggie -- you might at least have the decency to stop while I'm talking!"

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Q. What do you call a white man surrounded by 10 Indians?
A. A Bartender.
Q. What do you call a white man surrounded by 100 Indians?
A. A Bingo Caller.

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Two elderly women were out driving in a large car both could barely see over the
dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stop light was
red but they went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, I must be losing it. I could have
sworn we went through a red light.
After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red; again
they went right through.
This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but
was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay
very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right
through.
She turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just went through
three red lights in a row? You could have killed us!!!"
Mildred turned to her and said: "Oh my lord, am I driving?"

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Doctor, Doctor I have a lettuce stuck in my bottom.
You have indeed, but that's only the tip of the iceberg!

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Murphy goes to the local novelty shop and finds a pair of x-ray glasses.
He thinks, "Great, I'll have them."
On his way home, he puts them on. Bingo! He sees everyone in the street naked. He
takes them off for a moment, and everyone has their clothes on. Puts the glasses back
on... everyone is naked!
"Will you look at that!l!"
Happy as Larry he gets home, goes up to the bedroom and finds his wife and the
postman, naked in bed.
He takes his glasses off, and the two are still naked. He puts them back on, and they are
still naked.
"Damn," he says, "I just paid fifty quid for these and they're broken already!"

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